File #: ADF-20
Danger Class: Ira
Obscurity Class: Hexa
Current Whereabouts: I've duct-taped it shut and put it in a box labeled 'DO NOT OPEN'. The box is sitting in my closet, gathering dust. I’m starting to think of burning it, but I’m keeping it for science.
Description: As advertised on TV, an umbrella company, that is unable to be located again, sells umbrellas of their own design. One such umbrella is the Umbrella 2.0, said to keep what's under the umbrella dry as bone. When the umbrella is opened, it has a cylindrical area of effect from the top of the umbrella down to the handle. When water is introduced to the area of effect, it is anomalously evaporated after 7.27 seconds. Collected samples of this water show it to be pure H2O with no contaminants. When the umbrella is closed, it is not anomalous and remains a normal closed umbrella. The only known Umbrella 2.0 is a black collapsible umbrella. No other Umbrella 2.0s have been reported or found anywhere.
->Enter Research Logs
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->Access Granted
-> Log 1 - Discovery
So, this umbrella just killed my friend. Clearly, there's something weird with it, so I’m making it my duty to figure out what's up with it. I should probably introduce myself. I’m Silver S██████████, and I do autopsies of dead people for the police, and sometimes the government too. This umbrella just sucked all of the water out of my poor friend Lily. She was only 24… Sorry, I need to remain professional. The place where my friend was found was a few steps away from the front of her house. She was frozen in motion, still holding the umbrella. The ground around her feet was only slightly wet, but the rest of her body was pretty much flash-mummified. Her upper body was devoid of any and all water, but her lower half still held some water, but had lost enough so her legs were frozen stiff. I got called by the police, as I was the closest person to Lily. I got there, and I saw a policeman trying to take the umbrella from Lily’s hand. I watched as the man’s hand, more his entire arm, shriveled up, causing him to cry out in pain and shock. I didn’t know what happened, but I knew the damned umbrella had something to do with it. I asked to do the autopsy on Lily’s body. I couldn't even cut her flesh, it was rock hard. The same was with all of her organs. Her blood vessels were shrunken, and all her blood was dried up. Oh god, I feel sick…
-> Log 2 - Area Of Effect
So far, I know there's a limited area of effect for this stupid odd umbrella. Using the assumption that it makes all water affected disappear, I am going to be splashing water around it to find the area of effect.
Sideways
I put the umbrella on my driveway, open. I took a few bottles of water and just dumped the water all over the umbrella and the surrounding area. The water made the umbrella and the ground wet, but the water quickly evaporated, leaving a somewhat rectangular shape around the umbrella that was dry. The rectangle went from around the top of the umbrella to the bottom of the handle. The width was the diameter of the umbrella’s top. I suspect that the area of effect is cylindrical, probably from the top of the umbrella to the bottom of the handle. I need to time how long the evaporation takes.
Standing
I fashioned a sort of stand for the umbrella with hooks and a system to lift and lower it. I decided to not touch the umbrella to avoid losing my arm like the policeman, so I resorted to using one of those long plastic grabbers. I positioned the umbrella so that it stood upright with its handle on the floor. Then, I took more water and poured it onto and around the umbrella. This time, I started a stopwatch when I poured the water. According to the stopwatch, it took roughly 7.27 seconds for the water to dry up. This time, there was a circle of dry ground, roughly the circumference of the umbrella’s top. My speculation has been proven correct, the area of effect is cylindrical.
-> Log 3 - Replication Of Event-0
Event-0 is what I’ve named the whole mess that got my friend killed and took that policeman's arm off. I’m pretty confident that the godforsaken weird umbrella works by taking any and all forms of water out of its area of effect. Based on the policeman’s shriveled arm, I think that only what is actually in the area of effect gets its water removed. I have yet to find out where that water goes. So, to replicate Event-0, I’ll need to use something with water in it. I also find myself wanting to use something alive to see if anything different happens. For the thing alive, it would be very bad if I used an actual human, so I’ll be using some mice. I’ve gotten my hands on a watermelon for the non-living test subject.
Non-Living
I put the umbrella back on the stand because it worked so well last time. Then I took the watermelon and set it down, half of it in the area of effect. 7.27 seconds passed, and the affected half of the watermelon shriveled up, all traces of water gone from the affected half. Uh do I need to say anything else? Oh wait, yeah I do. The unaffected half of the watermelon remains normal, and it tastes fine. However, I will note that the unaffected half is still drier than it should be, so I guess the umbrella affects the whole item, but on a much lower scale.
Poor Mice
I made little wire cages of sorts to put the mice in that hold them still. I know, a bit odd, but it's just part of the process. So, I held one of the mice in the wire cage and held it halfway into the area of effect. I realize I forgot to mention that I marked the area with some tape, so I don't do anything bad. Anyway, like clockwork, the affected half of the mouse got all hard and shriveled after 7.27 seconds. Thankfully, I held the mouse’s head into the area of effect, so it wasn't in pain. But unfortunately for the mice, I’ll have to see if one of the mice can live if the other half of it is affected.
I took another mouse and held the other half of it into the area of effect and it was practically screaming as its back half got flash-mummified. I set it down and it tried to drag itself around using its front two legs, but its back half was too heavy. Next up is non-caged I suppose…
So, I made a cardboard circle around the umbrella’s area of effect and set the mouse in there. It ran around for the last few seconds of its life before the umbrella mummified it. It was perfectly frozen in motion, just like Lily. The mouse didn’t really panic or try to run, not like it could get out of the area of effect anyway. I remade the cardboard circle, but bigger, so that the next mouse could stay out of the area of effect if it wanted to. I set another mouse in the circle and watched as it just ran around, not seeming to be bothered at all. It died shortly afterwards, also frozen in motion. I guess animals don’t sense anything wrong. Time to dispose of these dead mice. And the still living ones.
-> Log 4 - The Matter Of Matter
Where does all this water go, you may ask. Well ask no further, because I just found out. After taking a cup of water, placing it under the umbrella, and enclosing the umbrella and cup of water in a plastic box, I found that the umbrella THAT CAME FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL ITSELF doesn’t make the water disappear, it just gets evaporated and the vapor is moved outside of the area of effect. I assume that the umbrella has a sort of anomalous field around it that moves the water away and makes it so water is unable to condense on it.
