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Junk File #: JDF-69

Danger Class: Limen/Gula

Obscurity Class: Tetra

Current Whereabouts: Lazar's office, bottom left drawer and the pin¹ to his lock is 6969.

Description: JDF-69 is an anomalous taser that can manipulate someone's sexual desires. By pressing JDF-69 against someone and tasering them, they will become extremely sexually attracted to the whoever was the one holding JDF-69 at the time for 2.5 hours, if multiple people had theirs hand on it, JDF-69 will not produce an anomalous effect. JDF-69 appears to have a cooldown of 1 week after each use.

Research Logs:

Access -> "Addendum.1.13"?

Junior Research Alex Hathers was given JDF-69 and told to use it on an anomaly. When Alex approached ADF-10 he was vaporized. JDF-69 did not have an effect on ADF-10 and Alex was restored. Alex then attempted to use it on ADF-8, ADF-8 was affected and the 2 immediately performed a ███████, ██████████, ██████████, and ███████ while ADR Team Member Lazar watched² in amazement.

Decryption Complete. Access?

ADR Team Member 'Lazar' has claimed JDF-69 for himself. He has used JDF-69 an unknown amount of times, though estimates range from 60 to over 4,500 times. He does not show any signs of wanting to stop though. ADR Team Member 'Eucalyptus' has began acting more sexually to Lazar during work hours in an attempt to have him aim his sexual desires at her, but considering these paper thin walls exist and I just heard "You're a Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Good Girl" in Lazar's voice in the other room alongside clapping and moaning, you can assume how thats going. God I hate my job…

Footnotes

1. Note from Lazar:

How the fuck did yall' get my pin?!

2. He recorded it as well, this recording is viewed by him regularly, please send someone he won't stop beating it to this single video when JDF-69 is on cooldown.