File #: JDF-113
Danger Class: It's FUCKING WEED. What do you expect?! If you say that shit again, I'll make it Perfidia.
The Intern using JDF-113
Obscurity Class: 5.00 EURO'S Probably?
Sub Class: NOT TO BE USED DURING WORK HOURS
Current Whereabouts: LAZAR fucking took it! That bitch-ass motherfucker smoked it himself! He can go fuck himself. After I went through the fucking hellscape that is Facility-54, I decided, "Well, I need a joint," so I smoked it. But then Lazar came and he took that shit, saying, "You are an intern; don't smoke that shit unless you are a senior researcher." I HAVE BEEN WORKING HERE FOR TWO YEARS!!!
Description: It's a weed cigarette. I didn't have my joint anymore, so I have been using weed-filled cigarettes because that fucker stole my joints. GOD DAMN, I hate this place. I mean, I think I gotta go back to IARA; at least they paid me for being an intern. These fuckers don't even pay me! I gotta be honest, this place can go full self-destruct and just explode.
I got tasked with photographing a sphere that nearly killed me. There is a literal GOD that will death-laser you. How the FUCK am I still here?! And don't get me started about that FUCKING CHAIR. Oh god, the chair.
[REDACTED]: Dude, I caught that intern we hired, you know, that IARA guy? Got his pot. Like… dude, this is some good shit.
[REDACTED]: Gotta probably give him a raise. How long have we made him do unpaid labor?
[REDACTED]: I dunno, we probably did that for, like, two years? How the fuck ain't he homeless?
[REDACTED]: I dunno, some magick shit those IARA guys got. Laser pigeons that can make nukes from solar rays.
[REDACTED]: Oh shit, look what I found!
[REDACTED]: What?
[REDACTED]: Actual fucking cake! We're gonna be so fucking baked.
Additional video note from Lazar:
